I have a habit of falling for men even though I keep promising myself I won't. Then I do my best to keep it to myself for as long as I possibly can. I eventually break and confess my feelings. That's when terror sets in.
I am always flooded with instant regret for my confession because I am deeply afraid of being hurt an humiliated. So, I panic. I make excuses and say that I was just caught up in the moment. I hide or retreat until I think it's safe and then I try to pick things up where they were before I caved and shared my feelings.
There has only been one relationship in which I didn't follow my usual pattern, and that relationship ended up scarring me for life. So what am I supposed to do?
I hate being humiliated worse than almost anything else in the world. However, I'll never find the right guy if I don't take risks.
I get so afraid after I share my feelings with someone that it actually triggers my tachycardia. I feel sick. I get dizzy and nauseous, and I can't get my heart to stop racing. I hate it. I hate this stomach-quivering fear and anxiety.
I don't want to ruin something good. That's why I usually try my best to keep my feelings to myself.
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